A tiny piece of writing

She ran her fingers through her hair, slowly, every piece untangling and falling naturally back into place.
James was sure he had never seen someone so undoubtedly beautiful in his life, it wasn't the obvious beauty that he gazed at in magazines, she had flaws - the dimples in her thighs that displayed she treated herself on occasion, her straight hair, dark chestnut in colour, fell just below her breasts, her nose, to some, looked on the larger side, the pale blue of her eyes provided her with an air of intensity toned down only by the warmness of her smile - all of these elements added to her beauty and seemed to fit her perfectly.
James wanted, in that moment, so badly to speak to her - to tell her how her beauty was mesmerizing - but held back on all accounts, for someone who was that beautiful ought never know. In these cases, knowing can be precisely the wrong thing for someone - no one deserves the pressure to be held under the tree of beauty, and he did not want to burden her with that.

Positive energy

I really really believe in positive energy. Obviously it doesn't solve everything, and it's ridiculously hard to muster up when you're constantly having a hard time. I'm used to having a hard time, I am, but I think it's really important to try and stay positive in almost every circumstance.

I'm often the first person to think "well, nothing good is going to come of this, this sucks (blah blah blah)" and I can get in really horrible, negative head spaces, but I think with a great variety of things that happen you can find some positive element within it.

I know quite a few people with mental illness, I struggle with horrible body image and it often becomes so bad that all I want to do is rip the skin and fat off my body - but these are the things that me (we) have to work on.

When I think of waking up every single day and feeling like a whale, when every flaw I have is magnified and it often stops me from having fun, I imagine myself at 24 (I don't know why that age), when I will have worked constantly on accepting myself for who I am, and I imagine that I will have finally accepted myself for who I am. Right now it fucking sucks that I have to deal with it, but in the end, something good will hopefully come from it.

Anyway, this has been a bunch of mumbo jumbo, but I think it's really important to always hold on to hope - it's so dire to believe that one day things will be better. Those thoughts will keep you pushing through today and tomorrow and probably the next couple of years, but one day it will be worth it, and you will be so glad you stayed positive and pushed on.

"You're gay"

I just need to get something off my chest - why is "you're gay" even considered an insult? I mean, for something to be an insult it actually has to be insulting, right? 
I don't really understand the use of this as an insult. I would consider someone saying "you're gay" as an insult on the same ground as someone saying to me "you like the colour pink" or "you have blonde hair", it's not something you can change. 

I understand that it has been derived from total homophobia, but we're supposed to live in an age where the majority of people are supposedly for gay rights, so, why are people still using the words "gay" and "fag" as insults?

I would also like to know why the main argument for gay rights is "it's not a choice" (actually, if I'm asking questions, I'd like to know why there has to be an argument at all). I absolutely understand that it's not a choice, but even if it were, there is nothing wrong with loving someone, or wanting to love someone, of the same sex. I mean, "straight" people don't miraculously decide that they're going to be straight, so why would anyone decide to be gay, bisexual, queer, transgendered etc. 

Where do you even draw the line between straight, gay, queer etc.? Someone could consider themselves straight, but also view someone of the same sex "hot" or attractive, so would that immediately make them queer or bisexual? I don't know, but I don't think it's anyone's business if it's their life. 

I think if people of the LBGTQ community have to "come out", then shouldn't straight people have to as well? Shouldn't we all have to tell people "what" we are? 

I'm sick of society telling everyone they prove themselves or defend themselves for what they are. I'm tired of gay being used as an insult or a synonym for shitty. It's not. It's awesome to be gay, or straight, or queer, or transgendered, or bisexual, or anything if that's what you are.

There's nothing better than being you, and no one should ever have to apologise for that.

#unlesstheyreareallyshittyperson

Music

I'm sure many, thousands of people, feel like this, but I don't think it's talked about enough.

I think the magic of music is something indescribable, the way in which a song can really make you feel. I think that's ridiculously awesome (excuse the lack of intelligent adjectives, but I'm a teenager so 'awesome' seems to be fitting).

The fact that I can listen to Calgary by Bon Iver and be taken back to April when I saw them perform is amazing. Or the fact that I can listen to Mumford & Sons and have a rush of emotions make their way into my insides that I felt while I was living in America.
How does that happen? I honestly don't understand how I can feel so much just due to instruments and voice combined. 
I mean, feelings associated with songs, no matter what the song, are amazing.

I've realised, recently, that to calm myself down I can listen to Demi Lovato. I honestly don't care if people would consider that "lame" because she's helped me through so much. Just having her on in the background makes me feel better.
A few nights ago I was experiencing absolute anxiety over nothing in particular and it wasn't going away - I put on Miss. Lovato and, although it didn't vanish, it eased. 

I think people often underestimate the power of music. I'm not arguing that it can cure cancer or bring world peace - but it can make people feel better about not only the world but also themselves, and I think that's pretty darn great. 

C.O.I. NYC

Recently I was surfing the Internet and came across the new label C.O.I. NYC.

They seem to enjoy their PUNs and use their wittiness to play on well known labels such as Givenchy

And Balenciaga 

These shirts tend to remind me of the infamous COMME des FUCKDOWN shirts/hats reflecting COMME des GARÇONS that I have been eyeing for quite some time now. 

I suppose when it comes to PUNs I'm a bit of a sucker - Dad jokes seem to be my favourite and I'm the type of loser who enjoys laughing at her own one liners. 

As I'm all those things I'm also a bit of a stingy bitch and am not particularly willing to spend $60 on these beauties if I can't try them on in person. So, I suppose, unless I find a job that pays a lot (or, preferably, win the Lotto) I won't have my hands on one of these for a while. 

The interesting thing about the brand is that, according to NYMag, the designers prefer to stay anonymous. I suppose it's understandable if their jobs are at risk but I, personally, would be quite proud of my wittiness and would be plastering it all over my Tumblr and Facebook (I suppose I don't have a job to worry about though).

Anyway, if you wanted to buy one of these fabulous shirts (there are 3 so far) head to the C.O.I. NYC Website and when you purchase maybe you could possibly type "2" into the quantity and send one this way? That would be much appreciated.

I'm going to lay my beautiful head to sleep as I'm going shoe shopping with mum tomorrow and don't want to fall asleep on the job. 

Goodnight!

In light of the last post...

I'd like to say I'm going to miss my baby Maggie so much. She was such a lovely, genuine, loyal, amazing (every positive adjective) dog and I cannot imagine what life will be like without her. I'm not religious at all, but I hope she is somewhere with a tennis ball and a field of lush, green grass for her to run in with all the feeling and strength in her legs. I miss her already and just want to give her a hug. 

Rest in peace Maggie, you will be forever in our hearts and a valuable member of our family.

Death

Death.

It’s the one thing in life that is inevitable – yet, somehow, we tend to believe it is the one thing that will never happen to us.

I’m 18. The length of death I have known is my friend’s fathers, my cousin’s father’s and, more recently, my lifelong pet’s. 

I can’t grasp how people go on after the death of a loved one. When, two years ago, one friend revealed to me the death of another friend’s father (who was on the other side of the world) I could hardly manage it. The agony of knowing someone you love so much is in such deep pain is indescribable. To this day I wish I were there for her so I could hug her and hold her.

When the day comes that I have to deal with the death of a loved one I’m unaware of how I’ll handle it. I do not believe I will deal with it well. My dog has just passed on and I’ve completely blocked out the feelings – this seems to be how I go about everything. My mum has been seated close by sobbing whilst my eyes have remained dry. I want to cry. I love crying, yet I find it such an uneasy task.

No one wants to experience death or pain. No one wants to obtain the knowledge that their friends and family are hurting because the life of someone has been lost to the world. I don’t want to have to hold my mother because her mother has passed. I don’t want to tell my friend “everything will be okay” after her father has passed on. I know life will move on, but that doesn’t change that she is hurting in that moment.

I want to take all the pain away from everyone. I want to make sure my friends and family never hurt. I want to know their laughs are eternal and their smiles may well be tattooed on their face because that is what is beautiful. But I can’t do that.

I’ll have to deal with death one day, and when the day comes I hope I’m okay. 

P.s. I need to learn how to write.